theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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