I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Randomize
