My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
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So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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