he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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