do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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