You smell like a Billy Joel song
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
