everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
