This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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