Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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