his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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