I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
