when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
