Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
