i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
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we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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