So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?