maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I stole an accordion from the bar
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion