Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
