I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.