if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
