Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
