my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
