I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
