when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
