Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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