Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
