This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
