Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
