so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
