I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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