I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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