Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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