she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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