I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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