dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
