New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
