so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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