You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
