I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize