I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
