Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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