went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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