I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
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I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
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We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
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