I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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