May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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