I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
