What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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