epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
