You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
