I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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