Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
