so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
