My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
