this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Dick very happy bro
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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