Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
