You're my little dorito
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
