U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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