you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
