Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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