He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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