32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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