how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
So squirting runs in the family.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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