You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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