do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
