I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
