Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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