My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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