Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
