Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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