The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
