I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
