like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
