I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
