today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
