i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
