Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
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he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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