Fuck appropriateness.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
