i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
