Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
