How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
