Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
