I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
