My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
