Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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