My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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