omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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