I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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