i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
