don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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