You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
